Updated 28/3/2002

THE TV

THE NIGHTS ARE LONG AND GETTING COLDER

MY POOR OLD TV's GETTING OLDER

I CAN'T GO OUT 'COS MONEY'S TIGHT

AND SO I WATCH IT EVERY NIGHT

THE LICENSE 100 POUNDS A YEAR

IT SAVES ME GOING ON THE BEER

BUT HORROR SHOCK THE GODS HAVE SPOKEN

AND NOW THE ROTTEN THING HAS BROKEN

IT MUST BE FIXED AS QUICK AS CAN

I'LL TAKE IT TO THE TV MAN

HE LOOKS AT IT AND SHAKES HIS HEAD

AND WRITES IT ON THE CARD AS DEAD

WITH SOLDER, IRON, PLIERS AND CUTTERS

HE PROBES AND MEASURES, THEN HE MUTTERS

NOW ALL THE PROGRAMS WILL BEGIN

BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO PLUG IT IN

OH MY GOD I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

WHEN I GOT HOME THE FUSE HAD BLOWN

STORM IS RAGING, RAIN DOES FALL

WATER'S LEAKING IN THE HALL

BATHROOM FLOODS AND CEILINGS FALL

BILLS KEEP COMING ONE AND ALL

WIFE HAS LEFT HER POOR OLD CODGER

SHE HAS RUN OFF WITH THE LODGER

A NEW RECESSION HEADS THIS WAY

WE ALL HAVE BILLS WE CANNOT PAY

NONE OF THIS WILL BOTHER ME

NOW I'VE GOT MY OLD TV.

 RECEPTION PROBLEMS

WHEN JONAH DEEP INSIDE THE WHALE

SEEMED CHEERFUL HEARTY, EVEN HALE

THE WHALE SAID VISIBLY UPSET

AREN'T YOU BORED AND COLD AND WET

SAID JONAH IT'S NO SILLY FABLE

MY TV SET WILL NOT GET CABLE

BUT I CAN WATCH MY DVD

SO BOREDOM DOESN'T BOTHER ME

THE WHALE IMPRESSED TOLD ALL HIS SCHOOL

THAT JONAH SEEMS TO BE QUITE COOL.

HOPKINS